Bye Bye Year 2008 ~ Welcome 2009

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Baru semalam kita menyambut tahun baru Awal Muharram, tahun Islam, tahun yang sepatutnya kita set apa2 jua azam yang kita hendak kecapi, namun, ianya berlalu bagaikan sesuatu yang tiada kaitan pada diri kita sendiri. Akhirnya semua seperti tiada apa.

Aku seperti biasa, macam ni lah. Keadaan tetap sama. Kadang2 terleka dengan things which moves around me. 2008, for me is a tough year, and I had been reminded many many times that 2009 will be much tougher and sounds like the toughest year ever will be. I do feel afraid of time, I do feel too worried over everything. Life sounds crazy when we don't want it to be.

I hadn't make any preparations for this year thru. I've never made any resolution, till now end of the year. I was wondering what actually I want in my life. I was comparing my life with all my friends, which I finally found I'm just feeling bad about myself in the end. I wanted to stop thinking about it, what I have is much more precious than them, I had always reminded myself about it. Sometimes I could even feel the lacking of it, but I prefered to keep quiet and follow the flows.

2008 - I had been bad. I had been married at the same year, I had been shifted to so many places also at the same year. I had to go thru mental and emotional control many many times, I had to keep on understanding every situation every time. I had been on many movement this year. I had also been very lonely sometimes this year. I hadn't been anywhere yet this year, but I had been at least to 2 places new to myself this year, Kota Kinabalu and Kota Bharu. This year also witness me being a very judgemental person. I had been thinking about things I should have not. A year that full of things that I had never thought off. I am going to leave this things behind, I want to keep beautiful memories inside my head. I was just about to leave it for another tough tough year ahead. Please and please and please, let me free from all of this sickness I've been thru. I just need a simple life. That's all. If I was given more, Alhamdulillah.

Kembali aku seperti biasa. Aku pun tak brapa nak paham dengan keadaan sekarang. Kadang2 rasa tak termampu nak di perkatakan. Kadang2 terasa diri terlalu hina. Doaku sekarang hanyalah untuk aku memperbaiki diri aku dan aku ingin tinggalkan semuanya d belakang.

To be continued....

Selamat Hari Raya

Assalamualaikum wbt

Hari raya akhirnya bakal menjelang tiba. I didn't have anything to be prepared with, as I'm not going to celebrate anything. Mood is there, but I think, I've spoilt everything. Too many dreams abt Hari raya... maybe that's y. If u ask me, how it is to be a wife during hari raya, I will simply say, just normal, coz I ain't gonna celebrate it anyway.

Still keeping track with the plan, I planned to go back home on the 1st day raya. Altho, I know I'm gonna be dead tired, but it's ok, worth every second spend with my family. As lately I felt too lonely here, feels like living in a jungle... differences is... it's jungle built with buildings. Haha...

I don't have anything much for Hari Raya. My husband doesn't seem to be into it, so I don't really know whether to celebrate or not anymore. The feel is not there. But keeping to the spirit of Hari raya I just wish that I could handle my emotions, as lately I'm not in a good mood. Hari raya season, How I can't help those passengers to be checked in, maybe being cursed when u rejected them, that's y my life's like this? I don't know y.

I was a lil bit upset about something just now. Just figured out that somebody is still not over yet with someone else, maybe the feeling is still there, but who am I? I was not into anything after that. I'm just surprised, very2 surprised. The message was kept till today, but wasn't from mine. Mine? wAS NOT there!!!

I told myself to stay calm, let things be at the best of it's own. I'm tired sometimes, being so childish, sometimes I felt like I'm nothing, but just a burden to my husband. I'm useless and I don't know how to handle things. That's who I am currently.

When I'm at my lowest strenght to live on, I just need him to hug me tight and tell me that everything is doing great, it's all rite, our life is quite fine... But I just can't simply imagine to have such thing rite. He's human, and I'm human. The way we think is way different, due to the maturity factor. I'm just not matured enuf, and could never be 1 for him.

Dissapointment over dissapointment, I was trying to be a better person. Rite now, what I know is that, 1st day raya, both of us will flew back to MYY and then, we'll be back to KUL, but I'm gonna celebrate the rest of the days staying overnite at my friend's house, because he's not around. It's not a good time to celebrate, not just at the good time I supposed. I'm sad, but there's nothing that I can do. I was told to do that. I'm just his wife.

Whatever it is, hoping that everybody could enjoy these faboulous hari raya. If you're not celebrating with the love ones, don't be so sad (the same goes to me) well, Life must go on... I supposed? Take care, drive safely!!! Salam Aidilfitri!!!!

Will be missing my husband,

Dian

Lets Be Inspired

Assalamualaikum wbt.

How r u guys doing? hope u guys doing great!! :) Nothing much actually. I was just too tired for the past 2 months, tired of being transfered here and I have to woke up as early as 1 a.m for morning shifts. Well, that's just life. I may be quite tired of everything lately but I still put my strenght to work. For my last day the other day, I went back @ 12.40 out from LCCT which made me reaching KL Sentral @ abt 2 a.m. It's all my fault actually which made me kinda afraid to go to work tonite!!!!

Back home, there I am, doesn't really know what to do lately. Just too many things that weighs on my mind. Worried abt few stuff but I guess my husband could be worried much more than me now. Keep on praying that soon he can start his plan out. He had much more responsibility in his life than me. I am worried about him, still!

Forget about my life in particular for a while. I came across 1 article the other day but didn't manage to copy and paste it here. Here it goes :

Be Inspired!

www.iluvislam.com

oleh: deynarashid

This is a story that I received from a friend. A very short yet inspiring story. Allah's Hidayah is always there, around us. It comes in all sorts of forms. It's either we are aware of it or we simply take advantage on it.

xxxxx

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree. Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown, for the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren’t enough to ruin my day, a young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.

He stood right before me with his head tilted down and said with great excitement, “Look what I found!”

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight, with it’s petals all worn, not enough rain, or too little light. Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play, I faked a small smile and then shifted away. But instead of retreating he sat next to my side and placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise, “It sure smells pretty and it’s beautiful, too. That’s why I picked it; here it’s for you.”

The weed before me was dying or dead. Not vibrant of colors, orange, yellow or red. But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave. So I reached for the flower, and replied, “Just what I need.” But instead of him placing the flower in my hand, he held it mid-air without reason or plan. It was then that I noticed for the very first time that weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun as I thanked him for picking the very best one. You’re welcome, he smiled, and then ran off to play, unaware of the impact he’d had on my day. I sat there and wondered how he managed to see a self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree. How did he know of my self-indulged plight?

Perhaps from his heart, he’d been blessed with true sight. Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see the problem was not with the world; the problem was me. And for all of those times I myself had been blind, I vowed to see the beauty in life, and appreciate every second that’s mine. And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose and breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose. And smiled as I watched that young boy, another weed in his hand about to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We should have learn something from that article. Remember to appreciate ur life eventho there's just too many hardships that u have to go thru.

Loving my husband,

Dian

Working in the Fast Pace world....

Assalamualaikum wbt.

I just get a bit rest off from work, i guess? Am here, at my room back in MYY. Just went back the day before yesterday. Was not really sure whether I'm heading back or not, but there I am, purchasing the ID 90.

I was doze off abt 2++ am the 1st nite here, and yesterday I went to bed much much earlier, was abt 8++ pm and woke up at 9++ am. Hell yeah, at last I got my 12++hrs of sleep. Hahaha...

Fast Pace... That was what on my mind. I kinda get jealous to c my other friends with their happy living life, with job that they wanted in their life. But I'm happy too for them. Me? I don't really know where I'm heading to at the moment. Am very confused with my life, with what actually I wanted to do in my life. Was it just to please ppl around me? got hooked up with a job that I can bearly can bear wif? I just don't know. I just wish that I could just sit down for a while, let all those ppl wif their busy life, lingered around me... but just give a sec to breath, sit down, and think abt me myself!

Give me some time, a bit of my own time, to breath, to relax, to think abt my own life! I just need a break. I went back to MYY without informing anybody, well, who really cares? I'm just too tired of many things at the moment. I'm only human, and I wanted to work with ppl which are fully human!!!!

To my dearie husband,
sorry for all those things that happened between both of us.. with those little misunderstanding... just hoping that my soul would be much better now. Huhuhuhu..

As I run, I stumbled, as I walk, I bumped! U might say, what is the so hard thing? I might end up and say.. I just don't know. I was supposed to fill my blog wif stuff to enlightened us as human day by day. I might just be in the wrong place rite now. But here I am. I don't need any sympathy. I just need somebody that could care and tell me that everything is gonna be alrite. I think I've lost my spirit to live on.

Might be in some other side of the earth where I can still be standing with these two legs of mine. Hoping that my life could be much better. I gotta have one!

Miserable mode,
Dian

Day of TRAGEDIES....

Assalamualaikum wbt

I just had to let everything out here. Can't stand the day... well.. actually it's a beginning of a new day. Shall I say everything was about LAST NITE?yeah.. Last nite....

1st it was those 53 pcs of bgges that didn't arrive in MYY as it should be. That was ok... Everything seems ok at the moment... Oh yeah.. before that.. I sms Aza and informed him that I need to borrow his hp coz mine is not that easy to charge. So.. as the days goes by.. I was checking in gst to KCH and in the middle of doing check ins Aza asked whether I like the phone or not. Biasa je.. Nuthing much.. just rindu nak pakai NOkia as I told him. Then he said.. just take it.. I'm giving it to u. Well.. it was quite weird... But it's ok.. he's a giver kind and I know him. Back to those baggages.. still we don't have any clue yet where does it goes. Hoping that it would be on the last flt out from KUL to MYY. But apparently it didn't. We're taking down reports for abt 25-30 reports for these gsts, telling them that we will call them once we receive any updates. But due to the lack of manpower (as our management still stick up to their mathematical calculation saying that our manpower is too many for a little station)... still i didn't manage to inform these passengers where the hell does their luggages went to. FYI. ramp staff loaded those baggages into wrong acft. Whose to be blame? I wouldn't know.

As in the midst of those and these... It was the arrival of AK5932 from KCH, which we will need to prepare for 2 incoming passengers of wheelchair passengers. Upon departure, yes we have 1, but we couldn't find where the passengers gone to... up until they come forward and inform me that they need 1 whcr. Without waiting for the teamleader to show up, and didn't want my phone to be missing, I carried both of those Hps inside my pocket, the pocket i used to hang my walkies and this and that. Everytime the phone wanted to pop out of my pocket, I still realise it, and push it back inside my pocket... but not when I'm pushing up the wheelchair... when one of the most important phone that i have in my life was suddenly without my knowledge... fall out of the pocket. It happens that, I just realise abt it when I came down to the arrival hall - where gst should collect their luggage. I remembered that there's 1 sms that I haven't read, and there u go... It was missing... and i'm rushing up wishing that nobody realise it.. in between two things whether i wanted to ring it up or not, if i ring my phone, somebody would realize it and take it.. if i don't i wouldn't know when does that particular person found that thing?and... i just have to choose to rang it up hoping that it could still be in the departure hall, where i clearly remember that I still have it when I'm abt to push the whcr passenger. I called it a day of TRAGEDIES...

It doesn't end up there yet tho... I have to call all those 53bgges pax to inform that their baggages was not on the last flt, and I did tried to call up all of them. One pax gave me additional remedies to this so call tragedies when I'm telling her clearly and politely that the luggage will not be in tonite.. but tomorrow morning... what did she said to me ?... "ohhh...SHIT!!!"... i'm malay... and.. u're a malay... I'm muslim.. and so do u... but what's the diff that we had??? I said.. "Ya Allah!!! handphone aku hilang!!!"... and she said... "Oh... SHit!!! when her luggage was actually still there to be found!"... I'm not saying that I'm good... But yeah.. I know that she might not know my condition, but at least.. not those word from u.. nothing much tho.. yes i know.. but still... I have much bigger lost compared to her.. and don't just simply talk in that way when ppl are informing u nicely... can't u just be polite in return????

By the end of the day.. I went back.. I did sms dad... and told him.. that my phone is lost.. and he just asked me how does it happen.. but didn't say anymore after that.. and my husband.. altho he is the one who's been giving me the phone.. the only thing that he said.. maybe our usage of that thing is up until that... Allah knows best!

To everyone out there... pls and pls and pls... don't ever take somebody's hp! Ppl have been taken mine.. many times.. and i know.. It's my fault also.. but can't u just be honest? gave it to somebody else who can take care of it... that's all...

to the .. "oh..shit" girl.. u're working in a good company i guess... i can say that from ur appearance.. there's no chance at all for u to read this i know.. but to the rest... u can keep on tilting ur heads up to the sky..

I'm missing my hubby.. my LG phone... and all....

:( the saddest person on earth on 10 June 2008
Dian

In the midst of getting transfered!!!

Assalamualaikum wbt

It's been a while since the last time i've typed in every stuff..
Well.. lately I had been busy.. busy getting myself transfered to KUL stn.. and at the same time I'm actually feeling sad over it. I don't really know but I just hope this is for something good.. Amin..

Demi kebahagiaan rumahtangga yang telah dibina. Kasih sayang terhadap suami tercinta.. biarlah aku masuk ke kandang naga.. kekekeke.. Itulah kata-kata yang slalu aku guna utk sedapkan hati aku nieh.. nak wat camna.. harga minyak pun dah nak naik.. takkan aku tak nak gaji lebey besar kan?

ntah la.. aku pun da tak tau lagi dah keadaan macam mana skang nie.. takot2... takpe la.. dah lewat sgt dah nie.. huhu

Tangis Dalam Hati ... :(

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hati ni tergamit2 nak meluahkan rasa yang terpendam. Dari tadi tak terkata apa sahaja yang ingin diluahkan. Kalau terlalu ikutkan perasaan, boleh mati hati rasa2nya. Ntah la, kadang2 tu merayu pada Allah, ringankanlah beban yang ditanggung oleh hambaMu yang lemah ini. Tak terjangkau apa yang nak diluahkan. Kadang2 terasa jauh sangat diri ni dari semua orang2 yang dikenali. Tak nak rasanya duduk bersama mendengar celoteh2 biasa. Nak sangat2 mengupgradekan diri ni, tapi tak jugak terdaya.

Kadang2 aku sendiri pun terfikir, kenapa aku ni lemah sangat? Kenapa aku harus lepak2 buang masa dan dengar apa yang orang fikirkan? kenapa pulak aku mesti cerita tentang suka duka tentang diri aku di tempat yang open macam ni? Shouldn't I have privacy abt my life? Ntah la..

Aku mungkin takde tempat lagi nak mengadu. Mungkin dah ni dah nasib aku. Tapi tak mengapa. Aku tetap aku...

Penat kepala otak aku memikirkan semuanya. Lagi penat hati aku menangis sendiri. Tetapi apa lagi yang aku mampu kalau bukan seperti ini? Ntah la.. Mungkin aku belum cukup kuat dan tabah dalam menghadapi dugaan... Ya Allah.. Tabahkanlah hati hambamu ini.. :(

Apakah kesudahannya?

Love,

Dian